Hey it’s Garrett from Shine Afternoons and it’s another”Walk-It-Out-Wednesday!” How’s your 2013 going? What’s one thing that you’ve already done differently to “walk-out” 2013 differently from 2012? Even if you feel like you’re off to a rough start, you can make that one decision to “walk-it-out” today!
A study published in the July issue of the journal Pediatrics discovered a link between adult-onset mental health disorders – including substance abuse and anxiety – and childhood physical punishment – including spanking – thereby begging the question: How should parents discipline their kids?
1. Cool down first. Never discipline when you feel angry with what your child has done. –Deborah Chelette-Wilson
2. Take a time-out. – Deborah Chelette-Wilson
3. Give the child time to calm down. Your child will not hear your message if he/she is stressed out. –Deborah Chelette-Wilson
4. Listen to your child. After you both have calmed down listen to what your child has to say about his/her behavior. – Deborah Chelette-Wilson
5. Understand the reason for your child’s misbehavior. Armed with an understanding of your child’s thinking, you may find that the misbehavior is really a reactive child engaging in a developmentally expectable behavior that needs your guidance, rather than punishment. – Deborah Chelette-Wilson
6. Tell your child what was wrong and what is right. When considering how to help the child, reassure him/her of your love and then explain why the behavior was not okay and what he/she needs to do next time. This is the behavior you want. Too often we tell children what not to do and leave off what they need to do. – Deborah Chelette-Wilson
7. Take a breath. Spanking often happens when you’re so frustrated you don’t know what else to do. So, take a breath, count to ten, and tell your child you need a few minutes to think it through. This will give you time to calmly think about a next step, or ask for help. (And you’ll be modeling a great problem-solving technique!) – Fern Weis 8. Turn the situation into a learning experience. What you really want is for your child to learn something. Punishments (like spanking or taking something away) teach him/her to become clever at getting around you and your rules. But they don’t make kids more cooperative. – Fern Weis
9. Give your kid more responsibility with age. With tweens and teens, you lose trust and credibility when you pile on the rules and punishments. They’re old enough to be part of a conversation and understand how their actions are inappropriate, or affect others.. This is the time for you to hand off responsibility to your tween or teen, not be in a power struggle. – Fern Weis
10. Provide your child with a choice. No matter what their age, kids like to have choices. They feel they have some control, and are less likely to have a tantrum or give you the attitude that leads to everyone having a meltdown. – Fern Weis
Written By Fern Weis And Deborah Chelette-Wilson For YourTango.com.
By Alice Oglethorpe, SELF magazine
According to researchers at the University College London, it only takes 18 days to make a habit stick. Get #UpNOut for an A.M. sweat session with these five tips.
1. It’s the Fit Girl’s #1 Secret: The enviably in-shape women we polled–athletes, trainers, everyday superwomen with flat abs–break a sweat first thing. No wonder: In the morning, you have max willpower, but as the day wears on, making healthy decisions becomes tougher, says Roy Baumeister, Ph.D., social psychology professor at Florida State University and coauthor of Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength. Resisting online shopping splurges, ignoring an ex’s text–these feats sap resolve, and you may not have much left to drag yourself to the gym at night.
2.Treats Won’t Be As Tempting: A workout can make you less I-need-that at the sight of food (like those office cupcakes that show up at your weakest moments), say Brigham Young University researchers. And that crap about exercise making you famished? Nothing to it; you won’t eat more after you sweat, their research indicates.
3. You Could be Little Miss Sunshine All Day: The mood high from exercise lasts up to 12 hours, a study from The University of Vermont found. That’s a lot of smiling.
4. BTW, You Might Nab a Promotion: After a sweatfeast, people are better at managing their time at work (aka you’re more likely to switch your Gchat notification to Busy), a study from the University of Bristol in England reports.
5. No More Tossing and Turning: Morning exercisers have less trouble falling asleep than do evening gymgoers, a study published in Sleep shows, and the more A.M. minutes you log, the easier it is to nod off. Better still: Your night’s wide open!
Dear Dr. Bill,
My boyfriend and I are talking about marriage. We live in different states and would like to save money for our wedding, so we’re thinking about sharing an apartment. I have a 6-year-old daughter who loves this man dearly. The plan is for my boyfriend to have his own room and I would share the other with my daughter. What do you think?
If you and your boyfriend are Christians and are committed to purity, I think this plan is a bad idea. Although your intentions may be good, you will be subjecting yourselves to a tremendous amount of temptation. The bible tells us to “flee from sexual immorality” and to live in a way that is “holy and honorable.”
You also need to consider the message that this living arrangement would send to your daughter. God’s design for sexuality is that it is a beautiful gift, meant be shared between a husband and wife in a life-long, committed marital relationship.
If that is the message you want your daughter to learn, you will be sending her a confusing, mixed message by living with your boyfriend—even if you are able to resist temptation.
If you and your boyfriend are already physically involved, you should know that the research on cohabitation isn’t pretty. Couples who live together before marriage have a 60-80% higher divorce rate. They have higher rates of domestic violence and are more likely to be unfaithful.
Also, if a couple lives together and the woman becomes pregnant, there is a high likelihood that the relationship will end within two years, leaving her to raise the child on her own.
Let me recommend an excellent book that will help you make wise decisions in your relationship. It’s entitled “Before You Live Together” by Dave Gudgel.
Thanks for writing Jessica. If you have a question for me about family issues or Christian living, click the “Questions” link on the Family Expert page.
Click here for the audio version of this article.
You think you’ve got your kids under control when it comes to Facebook and their security settings? Think again. My 13-years old is now using Instagram and I found out it’s whole other ballgame when it comes to concerns. Here are some things you should be cautious about.
The flu is no fun (as if you needed us to tell you that!). Symptoms range from sniffles and chills to a high fever that keeps you home from work all week, or worse-flu lands 200,000 people in the hospital each year and kills more than 30 thousand in this country alone. Here are 5 ways to beat the flu this season.
To make this year’s resolution a success, I’ve created a plan that will help you BUILD momentum as the weeks progress, rather than lose it. Unlike in Januarys past, the idea is to start off with small changes and up the ante as you start to lose weight and see results. It’s the same strategy I’ve seen many “big losers” adopt on their way to shedding hundreds of pounds…and it works. Think small and read more here.
Does your child have a food allergy? If so, he or she could be a target of bullies at school.
According to a new study reported by Medical News Today, food allergies can pre-dispose children to being bullied at school,
Researchers looked at 251 families from a New York City food allergy clinic. They found that nearly a third of the kids have been bullied because of their food allergy.
Most of the kids said that their classmates had threatened them with the food to which they were allergic. They would wave it in front of them, throw it at them or tell them that they would sneak it into their food when they weren’t looking.
As you might expect, the study showed that bullying is associated with reduced quality of life as well as increased stress for the children and their parents. Parents were aware of the bullying only about half of the time. When they knew about it, the children’s quality of life improved.
The research team says that pediatricians and parents should screen for bullying in children with food allergies.
By the way, a separate study found that food allergies are associated with anxiety and loneliness in children. In fact, one out of five allergic children don’t attend classmates’ parties. One in four of these kids say they always bring “safe food” with them.
To learn more about the new study and how you can help your child, visit the American Academy of Pediatrics’ website at aap.org.
I’m Bill Maier for Shine.FM.
Click here for the audio version of this article.
From Everyday Food
This crunchy Ramen Noodle snack mix makes for a delicious and healthy way for adults to enjoy Ramen noodles. Plus, it’s incredibly easy, with only three steps.
Crunchy Ramen Snack Mix Recipe
2 packages ramen, broken into small pieces (seasoning packet discarded)
1 cup raw cashews
1 cup raw peanuts
1 cup cornflakes
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
4 teaspoons curry powder
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon fine salt
1/2 cup fried or freeze-dried peas
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. On a rimmed baking sheet, toss ramen, cashews, peanuts, and cornflakes with oil until coated.
2. Spread mixture in an even layer. Combine curry powder, cayenne, and salt; sprinkle over ramen mixture.
3. Bake until golden brown, about 10 minutes, stirring halfway through. Stir in peas and let cool completely before serving.
1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest?
2. I will always know the password.
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad”. Not ever.
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone’s land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill.
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs.
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
8-9. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
10. No porn.
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts. Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear — including a bad reputation.
13. Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO — fear of missing out.
15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.