Dear Dr. Bill,
I am a young father who is 25 years old. I grew up without a dad, and now I have a wife and 2 young kids. I have no idea what to do with them or my family. I never had anyone to teach me about family morals and things like that so I have no idea what to do. My wife nags me all the time and tells me I don’t act like a real husband or father. What do I need to do to lead my family the way God wants me to?
I appreciate your honesty…it’s tough to grow up without a dad. Now that you’re a father yourself, you’re realizing how important it is to have that role model. The first thing I would encourage you to do is to find a mentor who can help you learn what it means to be a godly husband and father.
A great place to start is your church. Ask your pastor if he can help match you up with an older, mature Christian man in the congregation who would be willing to give you some guidance. If you go to a larger church, they may have a good men’s group that disciples guys and helps them to develop into God-honoring husbands and fathers.
If you’re not studying the bible on a regular basis, I would challenge you to make that a priority in your life. You can find great advice on developing godly character in Chapter 5 of Galatians and Chapter 3 of Colossians. You’ll learn that God wants us to develop character traits like compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and self-control.
Given the conflict in your marriage, I would urge you to find a good Christian therapist in your area. Find someone who specializes in marriage and family counseling. Start by getting your marriage healthy, and then bring the kids into the process and work on your relationship with them.
Also, let me recommend an excellent new book that you will find helpful. It’s called “Lead Your Family Like Jesus” by Ken Blanchard, Phil Hodges and Tricia Goyer.
Thanks for writing, Chris. If you have a question for me about family issues or Christian living, click the “Question” link on the Family Expert page.
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