Being A Kid In Your Marriage

Every parent of a 2-year old knows what it’s like to sing the same song a million times over and over.

Yes, we get stuck in our grooves, those developmental places. Currently Jackson’s song is ‘I Love You, You Love Me.’

We have sang it so many times together. So I started writing my own lyrics for it.

Yes you did, and Jack reacts to that.

Yeah, he’ll say, “Daddy, that’s not how it goes.”

He get’s so upset. The funny thing is that I can see my own behavior because sometimes when I want so badly for you to share something with me, you join in and bring a different thing then I would’ve brought and I get critical about it.

Exactly, so just as in parenting, marriage requires a spirit of openess and playfulness.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

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Slow Food = Good Conversation

Well just this afternoon our little 2-year old was talking about his lunch.

Yes, he had to have chicken nuggets and he was explaining, he calls them ‘nuggies’, how he dips those in the ketchup and he says, “That’s how it works dad.” As if you have no idea how any of this happens.

Right, and we were talking about how much we rely on fast food, it’s so tempting to do that.

Oh, it’s so embarrasing to me as a mom and yet it’s how our life unfolds.

And so we talked about the challenge of enjoying slow food and that is a challege!

And I relish the thought for a lot of reasons. One is that research shows we have the best conversations over meals, that kind of fellowship.

So friend, try some slow food this week and enjoy the conversation.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

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Adjusting To The Unchangeable

One of the most famous prayers ever pinned is by Reinhold Niebuhr when he said, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and  the wisdom to know the difference.”

Boy, it’s hard to find a prayer that utters more truth then those words.

Well it’s true because we do like to change things and often things we can’t change like each other in a marriage relationship.

Yeah and I’m amazed at how ineffective it is. I thought on the influece of my love that you would just be transformed. Any fault you had would just disappear.

Amazing how that hasn’t worked, isn’t it? Friend, think about that prayer in your own life this week and how you can adjust to things you can’t change.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

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Guidance Makes A Difference

In our part of the world we sometimes see a news report about a mountain climber up on Mt. Rainier that needs to be rescued.

Oh and were all following it avidly and sometimes it ends in tragedy.

Yeah, and we often think to ourselves, if that guy would have only taken the advice of another guide or learned that he should’ve taken that path during that season of the year or been aware that he should’ve brought this equipment. Just a little bit of guidance could’ve made all the difference.

Yeah it’s mysterious and sometimes treacherous terrain, but if you have a guide it changes everything.

The same is true in marriage. When you ask for help, and you have a guide that will take you down that path that’s traveled it before you, a mentor of sort, what a difference that can make in your life.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

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A Coach For Your Marriage

Jim Zorn, the quarterback coach for the Seattle Seahawks recently told me that he got his vision for becoming the kind of athlete he is from a high school coach. It was amazing. You could hear the emotion and gratitude in him. He talked about how he could hold that ball. How he was taught about how to put those fingers on the threads and so forth and he tributes really his career to the investment that coach had in him. Well in the same way there are people that can invest in our marriages and he’ll be the first to admit this because he is a marriage mentor himself with his wife Joy. He and his wife Joy are lovely mentors and they understand the power of that in a couple’s life. Friend, consider the value of a marriage mentor, a coach can bring to your marriage today.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the Relationships Experts page at Shine.FM.

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Ask God, Not Your Partner

Well our two year old made an interesting confession the other day. Yes, he walked in the room and said, “Mom, I’m not going to hit Harbor, our kitty, with my baseball bat.” and I thought, “Oh, very lovely for you to share that with me.” But it did get me thinking because sometimes we disclose things when we have a spirit of confession we don’t necessarily need to gloat. So we talk about things sometimes that in a married relationship that really don’t need to be talked about. If I’m having angry feelings, bitter, or self-pity, I don’t always have to burden you with that. I can ask God to begin to change my heart and let you just experience the effect of that. It’s one of the simple gifts of marriage.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the Relationships Experts page at Shine.FM.

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Handling Conflict In Front Of Your Kids

Whenever we speak to a group of couples about conflict, somebody will eventually ask, “Well, how do you handle conflict in front of your kids?” This is such an important issue for married couples. I remember one time, we had a fight and our little 3 year old happened to observe us. He said to me afterward, “Mommy, did daddy put you in time out?” and I said, “Yes.” It kind of feels that way.
The key in understanding conflict in front of kids is not to avoid it because then they’ll grow up and think, “Oh, mom and dad never had a fight.” They have no example of how it’s resolved. The key is to find resolve in front of them. That will give them a sense of peace and let them know that conflict is okay when you can find that resolve and move forward.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the Relationships Experts page at Shine.FM.

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Mirroring Your Partner

We just came from a little business meeting and you gave me some feedback afterwards. You said, “Hey, you kind of came off a little arrogant in there.” Just a little gift I gave and yet the thing that I love is that you really are open and non-defensive when I give you feedback. Well, I do like feedback cause I think it’s important to know how you come across to other people. It is because we’re all blind to parts of ourselves. One of the best gifts of marriage is someone who can really mirror yourself back. I remember that I once told you that you sometimes finish my sentences before I even have my thought completed. I have the wrong ending so it creates this impatient feeling. So, friends remember it’s not always an easy pill to swallow but sometimes feedback from your partner can make you a better person.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the Relationships Experts page at Shine.FM.

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What’s The B-HAG For Your Marriage?

Well, have you ever heard of a B-HAG? They talk about it in business. It’s a crazy term, but I think I know what it means. Big. Hairy. Audacious. Goal. Yeah, a B-HAG! That’s exactly right and business leaders talk about that all the time because it gives you energy for shooting for a goal. Our B-HAG these days is to reduce the divorce rate by a third in our lifetime. That’s a big number. It feels very audacious to say that out loud but it’s worth it and it energizes all of our work. Think about what your dream is. What’s the B-HAG in your life, for your marriage? Where do you want it to go? What do you dream? What’s the thing that almost seems out of your reach but you want to shoot for it?

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the Relationships Experts page at Shine.FM.

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Humor and Humility

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Okay, so you do enough public speaking, you’re going to say a few things that don’t come out the way you expect, and that happened this week in St. Louis.

Yes, it did. You were teaching an acrostic and you said the “A” stands for loyalty.

I didn’t know what everybody was laughing at.

I couldn’t gain my composure because here you are the professor, and it was obvious that was not what you intended to say.

“A” stands for approval not loyalty, right?

Exactly.

You know, that kind of reminded us of something.

I love your humility. When you bring that gift of humor and humility into our marriage, and keep me laughing, it is the most intimate experience we could have.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

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