Learning from the Previous Generation

Shine.FM this is Dr. Les Parrott, and I’m Dr. Leslie Parrott, your Shine.FM relationship experts.

Well it’s that time of year again we’re gearing up for our marriage class at the university, always a fun experience.

 

This is a highlight because these college students are beginning to learn about what it takes to have a great marriage.

 

And the cool thing about this class is not the lectures but the couples we bring in to interview in front of them.

 

These are couples of every age and stage of married life and they are so transparent.

 

They let students peer into their married life and ask any question they have.

 

And they’ll ask any question that is the fun part about it.

 

You know I love seeing that when we tap into a pervious generation that we can learn from.

 

You don’t have to be in a class to do that, you can do that in your own marriage today.

 

 

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Appreciation List

You know, there is a little tool that marriage and family therapists have in their tool bag that seems so simple, yet when we rely on it, we know it’s going to make a difference. It’s just the activity of making a list of the strengths and the things you love about your spouse. Yeah, it seems like how could that make any difference, but when you sit down and do that, no matter your age or your stage of your relationship, you begin to cultivate a new sense of appreciation for her. And that’s what it is. You take each other for granted in marriage. It reminds you of the things that are really exceptional about your spouse. Friend, think about this in your own relationship. Try it tonight. Make a list of the things you appreciate about each other and watch how that draws you closer together.

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

A Good Night’s Sleep

sleep

I can’t believe this. A study came out on sleep this week. It shows that sometimes people get, obviously, too little sleep, but sometimes they say we get too much sleep.

 

That sounds impossible. I can’t ever imagine that situation. In fact, I’d like to test that study out.

 

I don’t think that’s going to happen in our house with little ones around, but I think it has something to do with finding the balance and getting a good nights rest.

 

That’s really true, and as a spouse you have the power to impact to impact the quality of sleep that you give one another.

 

That’s exactly right. We wrote a little book called Pillow Talk and discovered the last words you give your partner before they dose off sets the tone for how they sleep.

 

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Strength in Numbers

One of our neighbors still has his Christmas lights up long after the Christmas season. We drove by there the other day and I said, “Man, they must have a long to do list, not be able to get to that task yet, right?”

We weren’t condemning, we were empathizing. Sometimes it takes me a week to get the trashcan from the curb after it’s trash day, back up to the house. Life is so busy.

I think, why are you doing that and not me, right? Because that is what I’m suppose to do.

That’s what I think! Sometimes just getting through that to do list takes two people.

That’s the strength that comes from a relationship. Think about how the two of you can tackle those things on your list together.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Woven Threads

I read this book that kind of struck me this week. It says, “Chains do not hold a marriage together. It’s threads. Hundreds of tiny threads that sow people together through the years.” Don’t you think there is a lot of truth in that?

 

I really like that, because what it does is give a lot of sacredness to the ordinary moments we share. Doesn’t have to be the big things; it’s just our daily life.

 

It’s not the big heavy chains of commitment. It’s those little threads, those memories we share that we weave together.

 

Having dinner together. Having date night. Taking a walk.

 

With our kids, all the experiences. Friend, consider the tiny threads that weave the two of you together today.

 

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Melt Down

Marriage is like a long trip in a tiny rowboat.

 

Somebody said, “If one passenger starts to rock the boat, the other has to steady it. Otherwise, they’ll both go down to the bottom.”

 

Isn’t that true?

 

I really like that because we kinda have a rule, you can’t both melt down at the same time.

 

Which is sometimes a rule that is broken because when one person gets emotional it’s easy to fan that flame and get emotional yourself.

 

I know it.

 

But that’s a real gift you could give your spouse is if you can stay clam in the face of their anxiety or their anger.
It really does do a lot to bring help to them.

 

Friend talk about it in advance because that’s what will help you steady the boat when it gets rocked.

 

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

 

Knowing Your Spouse

I’ve been on this kind of banana and peanut butter kick, haven’t I?

 

You have that—and your Lemon Sorbet. It’s so funny because as soon as I take for granted that I know exactly what you like, you change. You have this new thing, like the chocolate peanut butter ice cream or whatever it is.

 

There is something about that in marriage that we’re always in flux. We’re always changing and staying current with each other is the goal.

 

You can kind of get bored with each other if you take each other for granted and think, “Oh, I know you,” and make assumptions. The truth is we got to check in with each other, stay current, and really know our spouse.

 

Friend, think about that in your own marriage. Are you staying current today?

 

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Gifts of Love

Okay, I’m the first to admit it I am not a morning person. If it’s up to me, I’d get up at the crack of noon almost everyday.

 

That is so true about you. That’s why this is so fun for me. The other morning we had to get up super early for a responsibility. The alarm went off, and I was supposed to get up first. You turned to me and in your sleepy voice said, “If you don’t want to get up yet, I’ll stay in bed.”

 

It made sense at the time to me.

 

I knew in your sleepy voice you were trying to offer me that extraordinary move of getting up first so I could sleep in.

 

Sometimes a gift comes out that way. The intention is there it just doesn’t sound right. Friend, think about those gifts of love even when they don’t come out right. They can still be received with an open heart.

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM

Listen to today’s audio here.

Jumping to Conclusions

Hey friend, have you ever had that experience from your marriage where your spouse kinda jumps to conclusions about your motives and you’re immediately in the dog house when you really didn’t deserve to be there?

 

You had that experience recently, didn’t you?

 

And it was my fault.

 

You called to say you were running late to pick John up at the school bus stop and I thought just typical of you just pushed your schedule tried to do too much and you couldn’t get there in time.

 

I can understand that but in this case I really was following through and yet sometimes I do the same things to you.

 

We read motives in that aren’t there.

 

That is never healthy for a marriage and friend think about that in your own relationship, make sure you’re not reading motives that aren’t there

 

 

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

7

Relationship Preparation

Our three-year-old and our eight year-old boys are preparing for something a little unique and special for them.

 

A very special honor—they are going to be Ring Bearers together, which they have never done. We’re in the process of getting them measurements for their little tuxes, and the parents are really prepared. We’re trying to coach them down that isle.

 

That reminds you of all of the preparation that goes into that day, that wedding ceremony. I can’t help but think sometimes are we investing as much into the relationship at the same time.

 

Sometimes that gets over looked, and that’s really the most valuable piece.

 

Friend, think about that in your own relationship. What are you doing to prepare, no matter your age or stage, for the days ahead?

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.